Tonight is the closest I have come to suicide in over 12 yrs. My pain
is so much that I do not know what to do. I used to count on one man
not to hurt me but he has. I refused to believe that he could do it,
but I still can not blame him. I believe I hurt him first not knowing
too.
I can't tell him I'm sorry now, because he won't talk to
me. He is in another country and I will not be able to see him anytime
soon, if he will let me. I wish to the Goddess that I was never born,
because I do not know how to handle all the emotions that are going
through me right now.
I started to fall for another man and he
won't talk to me either. I don't know why this time. I wish I knew
what to do right now. To wait for my first love or to go ahead and try
to make things work with the new man I started to fall for. Or to wait
even longer for someone else?
GGGRRRR!!! I so hate my life!!
SUICIDE
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The first thing I will say is that if you are feeling a pain so great that you would harm yourself, you MUST speak to a qualified counselor and if you have a clergy person(high priest/ess or anyone you consider a spiritual advisor) speak to them as well. For yourself, I will tell you that one of the most important things you can do for yourself in this situation is avoid the relationship game. Do not go for one man because the other isn't talking to you and don't seek yet another. You need some time to yourself, time to ground and center, time to sort out your feelings and time to discover for yourself what you want, what you expect from love, and equally as important, what you are willing to give for love. Pain sucks, that's why it is called pain, but great strength and growth can come from it, if you will acknowledge that. The torrent of emotion that rages out of a situation like this and not knowing what to do, is an energy that can be controlled and used to help heal your heart and grow, but you have to be willing to step back and look at it, stand firm and not let yourself be washed away in the flood - that helps no one and nothing. Open your eyes and look at what you are feeling, scary as that may be and allow yourself to think on it and see it for what it is. One other thing I would suggest, and that is rather than using the Goddess as a vain wish, speak to hear and hear what she has to say. Don't wish to her that you were never born, that is the surest way we hurt our deities and tell them that their power, love and presence in our lives mean nothing. Go to your Goddess and tell her all of it and let her heal you. Take a break from pursuing or falling for anyone and give that time and effort to yourself. |
Well, I can't know what's best for you. But I know that when we humans are in a situation like that, we can tend to rush all unbalanced into a new relationship.
ValerieIt's really important to accept pain, without pretending that it's really okay or whatever: our unpleasant feelings are part of life, too. I find that for me, if something painful happens, it is crucial that I just sit with my feelings for a time until I have experienced them fully--then the feelings begin to resolve in a healthy way. If I just rush into something new, the old pains follow me into the new situation.
If I were in your place I guess I would be friendly with the new guy but just keep it on the friendship level until after having a few weeks to heal.
Well, whatever you choose, may the Old Gods guide, bless, and comfort you, and may happiness bloom for you. So Mote It Be!
04:44 AM CST